The dating world has changed more in the last year than ever before. Even the arrival of apps like Bumble and Hinge on the scene don’t compare to how much dating has changed due to the global pandemic.
If you’re wondering when it will be safe to date again (or how to go about it) you’re not alone.
Questions like…
Do we need to keep all dates outdoors?
Should we be meeting up when we’re under stay at home orders?
Do we need to get tested before taking masks off?
And what’s this I’ve heard about masks during sex?
The one feature missing from dating apps these days is assessing people’s efforts to keep safe during the pandemic.
There are so many grey areas and unknowns. There are also people who decide to make their own rules. So how do you go about dating and doing it safely during this strange time?
Here are some suggestions we have to help…
Keep communication honest and open – just like before the pandemic, open communication is the best way to start a relationship. Only in this case, it means talking openly about the virus. Just like you’ll want to be compatible on things like hobbies and interests, you’ll want to make sure you’re a match on COVID-19 safety too.
Some questions to ask each other to help assess your risk include:Â
- If your job requires you to be around other people, what precautions do you take during and after interactions?Â
- Do you live with other people, and if so, how do you track each other’s risk of exposure to the virus?Â
- Do you go to restaurants and other public spaces?
Nothing can completely diminish your risk when spending time with someone new, but having a pointed conversation about it can help you to better know where you stand. Asking these questions becomes even more important when you have someone in your circle who’s high risk and needs to be protected.
Remember it’s about more than just the two of you – when you first connect with someone it’s easy to get swept up in the bliss of it all. But remember that right now, meeting up with your crush could impact more than just the two of you. If you’re merging “bubbles” so to speak, you’re potentially exposing others in your circle to whoever you come in contact with.Â
If you’re both open about the safety measures you’re taking, and about who’s in your bubble (keep in mind high-risk people like grandparents) then you’ll be able to make the best decision for both of you.
This is also a good way to see the other person’s level of patience and understanding. If they’re the one, they probably won’t mind outdoor meet-ups for a while until to protect the health of your aging grandparents.Â
You can still meet in person – connecting in person is not off the table, even in a pandemic. You just have to think ahead about how you’re going to do it. If anything, the pandemic might give you a good excuse to get to know each other really well virtually before you decide to meet in person.Â
Start with outdoor activities. If those go well and you want to keep seeing each other, here are a few things to consider before transitioning to indoor activities:
- The current government-issued rules (they’re always changing)
- Transmission rates in your community
- Do either of you (or someone close to you) have preexisting conditions or health risks you should keep in mind?
- What are the risks of the activity you plan to do? (eg: eating at a restaurant versus cuddling up on the couch)
Consider getting tested – if you’ve been seeing someone new and it’s going well and you’re looking to transition to indoor dates, you might want to consider getting tested. It’s a responsible thing to do and will offer peace of mind to each of you (and your circles) when introducing someone new to your space.Â
Ofcourse, getting tested isn’t a total green light, since you’ll need to take their level of exposure and personal practices into account, but you’ve already had that conversation at this point, right?
What about sex? This is perhaps the biggest question on people’s minds when dating throughout this rollercoaster of a year. With social distancing rules in place, it seems to take intimacy off the table when you meet someone new.Â
When you are ready to take your relationship to the next level, here are a few things to keep in mind:
- Transmission rates in your area
- Have you integrated into each other’s bubble without issue?
- Have you both been tested?
- Do you trust each other’s pandemic safety measures?
- Do either of you (or someone close to you) have preexisting conditions or health risks you should keep in mind?
Obviously the risk of exchanging breathing particles while engaged in sex is much higher than when you’re 6 feet apart. The level of “safety” with masked sex is unknown.Â
Think of it this way, if you don’t know or trust the person enough to be around them without your mask on, do you really want to be sharing sheets?Â
That’s for you to decide.Â
Be kind and compassionate – above all else (pandemic or not) this should be a #1 dating rule. When you’re getting to know someone new you don’t know right away all the stressors or factors in their life.Â
Bring extra kindness to your interactions and don’t assume you know anything about their health or their social circle. Have open conversation so you can get to know them and their comfort level for activities during the pandemic.Â
This is a time to practice respecting ourselves and others, particularly if someone’s boundaries are different than your own.Â
In summary, let’s not downplay the importance of human connection during the pandemic, because relationships are what help us stay mentally sane through times like these. While dating in the era of COVID-19 does present a series of risks and challenges, it’s still possible to create meaningful connections and experiences. Keep the rewards of dating in mind as you make decisions about your comfort level and safety in getting to know someone new.